Crying the moment his demand is not given into, throwing tantrums when he is scolded for something wrong, hitting at us or just anyone when he feels upset, not wanting to share his toys with anyone, wanting whatever the other child has! Ohh boy I really don't know how to handle all this.
Me and hubby just try and pacify ourselves that his is just a phase and he would be out of it soon. But I really wonder if it really is. I've seen this drastic change in him in the past 1 month or so.
Throwing tantrums at the drop of a hat has become his second nature now. And when the tantrum mode is on sometimes he will cry, sometimes he will hit anyone who comes to talk to him or pacify him or he will start throwing things around. We usually try and ignore him and tell him that he's not behaving good so none of us are going to talk to him. Sometimes I've even given him punishments of "go stand in the corner" or that he won't get the goodies that we have. And at times we give him a slap too (sometimes on the cheek and sometimes on the back) and he realises we are really angry. Then he will come and snuggle with us still crying and will say sorry and "Main dubara nahi karunga. Aap gussa mat karo" (I will not do it again. Please don't get angry at me). But sooner than later all is forgotten and he's back to square one in his behaviour. I really don't know how to handle this. Any ideas?
And the recent habit which he has started is whenever we are going out, be it for dinner or some basic house needs shopping he would want us to buy him something. I know that partly we are responsible for that. And we are trying hard to get him off this habit by not giving in to him. We succeeded last night when we were passing by India Gate and he wanted the light-ball which lights up when you swing it using the elastic band attached. But we managed that by telling him things such as the seller has gone to bed or to have dinner. And that we will come again etc etc
But I really wonder if this is the right way. We did try to tell him that we buy him things so often and we will not buy every time we step out of the house. But that didn't work and probably won't. I feel he needs to be a little more older to understand that. And the latest fad is whatever advertisement of a DVD or a toy he will see on TV he will say"Mumma/Papa, Mere liye woh le kar aana. OK?" (Buy that for me) while pointing at the item being advertised. I just look at him and say nothing and he assumes we will and gets busy with other things.
Another new behaviour he has started to show is whenever he meets people, he will hide behind us and not say hello. Which is just the opposite of how he used to be. When we go for the parent teacher meetings at his school with him, he will cling to us for his life. He will not even play with his friends or say a single word to his teachers or his classmates or to the nannies. And his teachers and the principal all say that when we are not around he's such a talkative, bossy little guy and so freely playing around and doing things. They also wonder why he behaves like this when we are around. *Sigh* ..we wonder too!
Just be more confident about what you are doing. As from what you write, in my opinion all you are doing is right. Just don't give in too much. And talk in short and clear cut sentences why you can't or have to do something. No long explainations, although i have fond that Rishab calms down a lot of times even when my explainations get longer or more complicated than I want them to be and i feel that even if he does not understand them, he does understand my seriousness and accepts it, at least at that time. AS you cannot fool them with just any explaination. But trust your instincts, as we are also learning as parents but understand our child and his nature at best. Try to talk to his caretakers as well.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is a lot of hard work being a parent. But if Anirudh is getting the needed attention he needs from you both, which i feel he is, then you do not need to worry.
I have repeatedly heard from people, that if you do not give in to a screaming child throwing tantrums, you are preventig it from becoming a habit. I tell Rishab, if he crys he will not get anything, and i do not know if you are under-estimating him about talking to him. I think he understands a lot. It is just that : the temptation is so big that he does not want to be the "sensible" boy. As that will surely not lead to the desired result of having the "goodies" he wanted, but maybe the other one, i.e., screaming and throwing tantrums.
Distracting his attention by talking about something totally different helps a lot of times, or is too old for that now.
I could go on and on.
I have ordered some online books about parenting today only, as I also have some similar problems to which i need solutions. If I get some good tips, I'll tell you.
From what i could learn so far is that one has to find a solution beyond punishments and rewards.
Hope I could be of some help.
And this is phase or do you think he would be doing this at 13 years of age?! All the children go through this, some proving to be more difficult and some comparitively easier.
Not sure what to tell you except that it'll pas for sure. As for being stubbron, I remember soem occasions where I was so stubborn about a toy or a game. When eventually mummy-papa did give in and bought it to me, I played with them for a long time. Not sure if you remember the jigsaw puzzle that I had with 2 sisters. Then there were some other tys/games, I can't recall right now. But I think sometimes, its ok to give in to a child's demands.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you are talking abt anirudh. To me it seemed like you were talking about Sahithi. The exact same behavior!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd I am still wondering as to how to deal with it..